When you see Mama and my village folks today, tell them their daughter has made it in life! You know what? Scratch that — let me be the one to pepper them myself.
I have made it to the front seat of a trotro, and by front seat, I mean right beside the driver, with my knees practically kissing the gear knob, coupled with the stench from the driver’s armpit slapping my nose too hard. Oh yes! Such an uncomfortable ride! But sis, if this is going to save me the hustle of queuing for a car every crack of dawn, then bring it on!
I know…I know, this feels like an exaggerated feat, but chale, if you have been repeatedly told you live ‘remotely far from civilization’ by the people in your life, you’d understand why I am making this point.
There is a question that has been bouncing around in my head like a loose coin in a washing machine for some time now: Why do some women tend to get offended and livid when asked what they bring to the table?
Seriously. What really is it? Is it the tone? Is it the bluntness or is the question somewhat laced with sarcasm that makes them feel inadequate?
I have seen the outburst a few times. It is almost always singular and predictive. Ballistic in nature, eyes rolling, voices rising with the haste to jump on the defence. For the life of me, I just do not understand it. Why are you angry instead of providing clarity on this? If we were to strip away all of these emotions, the question itself would not sound offensive or even unfair.
Just think about it: Have women not always asked the same question, with the only distinction being the fact that they ask it in a rather indirect way? How many women can confidently and truthfully admit that they do not mentally size a man up, asking questions such as whether the man approaching them looks stable enough, whether he can afford to give them a little comfort, whether he is ambitious, secure, and has potential, or whether he is even someone they can depend on?
Are these not the same as asking a man what he brings to the table? You may not word it as “what do you bring to the table,” but you are definitely flipping through their résumé in your head.
See, men bring a lot to the table. This is how society has raised them. They have remained heads of their families for years. They are expected to provide money, food, security, a car, a degree of comfort, and a physical sense of protection. Whether we readily admit it or not, these things matter. Men from diverse backgrounds and generations have been made to accept and believe that their worth is measured by how fat their wallets are or how big their accounts are, and that has been the norm for years. It is what it is— unless the man has a penchant for wearing the irresponsible cloak.
Therefore, when men flip the script and ask the same of a woman, they are not being crass or crazy, nor are they insulting you. Is it peace or drama? Support or never-ending demands: A partner or another dependent? These are all valid and reasonable questions to ask when considering building a life with someone.
The blunt truth is that the sooner we understand and accept that relationships wear the guise of transactions, the better for us all. A relationship is as much a partnership as it is a transaction. Think about it: when you apply for a job, you don’t just show up and say, “Hire me because I exist.” You highlight your skills, experience, and why you are worthy of the role. Love works in the same way. You have to make it known what you bring — be it peace, loyalty, ambition, support, “wife material” vibes, home-making skills, money, or even just the ability to make your partner laugh when life feels heavy.
Annoyed African man sitting with bored and irritated look, resting his elbow on the table while his girlfriend with Afro hairstyle is happily texting friends using digital tablet. Gadget obsession
However, let us be clear: we cannot have this conversation without acknowledging how much women contribute and what we go through. From carrying children to dealing with period cramps and nurturing kids to building a home, it is no small load. Women contribute a lot, often more than they receive credit for. Nonetheless, we cannot make it all about women’s issues.
Men equally have their own share of this cake. They pay bills, provide security, do heavy lifting, and carry responsibilities that are not exactly light either. You cannot be allowed a hall pass just because you are pregnant — that is unfair. This is not a competition; it is a partnership. Both sides bring weight to the table and deserve recognition.
Therefore, perhaps the problem is not the question itself but the tone. If a man asks arrogantly, of course, it will sting. However, if the mere act of being asked makes you angry, then you are missing the script, to be honest. The truth is that relationships do not run on vibes alone. They run on contributions — emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual.
And oh, before someone says I am caping for men: I am a woman. This is exactly why I think this conversation needs balance, not bitterness.
Instead of blowing up at the question, maybe we should flip it into an honest dialogue: What are you bringing, what am I bringing, and how do we make this table worth sitting at together? A solid table needs more than one sturdy leg.
What Do You Bring to the Table? — Because ‘I’m the Woman’ Isn’t an Answer!
When you see Mama and my village folks today, tell them their daughter has made it in life!
You know what? Scratch that — let me be the one to pepper them myself.
I have made it to the front seat of a trotro, and by front seat, I mean right beside the driver, with my knees practically kissing the gear knob, coupled with the stench from the driver’s armpit slapping my nose too hard. Oh yes! Such an uncomfortable ride! But sis, if this is going to save me the hustle of queuing for a car every crack of dawn, then bring it on!
I know…I know, this feels like an exaggerated feat, but chale, if you have been repeatedly told you live ‘remotely far from civilization’ by the people in your life, you’d understand why I am making this point.
Anyhoo, that was just by the way. Let’s forge on.
There is a question that has been bouncing around in my head like a loose coin in a washing machine for some time now: Why do some women tend to get offended and livid when asked what they bring to the table?
Seriously. What really is it? Is it the tone? Is it the bluntness or is the question somewhat laced with sarcasm that makes them feel inadequate?
I have seen the outburst a few times. It is almost always singular and predictive. Ballistic in nature, eyes rolling, voices rising with the haste to jump on the defence. For the life of me, I just do not understand it. Why are you angry instead of providing clarity on this? If we were to strip away all of these emotions, the question itself would not sound offensive or even unfair.
Just think about it: Have women not always asked the same question, with the only distinction being the fact that they ask it in a rather indirect way? How many women can confidently and truthfully admit that they do not mentally size a man up, asking questions such as whether the man approaching them looks stable enough, whether he can afford to give them a little comfort, whether he is ambitious, secure, and has potential, or whether he is even someone they can depend on?
Are these not the same as asking a man what he brings to the table? You may not word it as “what do you bring to the table,” but you are definitely flipping through their résumé in your head.
See, men bring a lot to the table. This is how society has raised them. They have remained heads of their families for years. They are expected to provide money, food, security, a car, a degree of comfort, and a physical sense of protection. Whether we readily admit it or not, these things matter. Men from diverse backgrounds and generations have been made to accept and believe that their worth is measured by how fat their wallets are or how big their accounts are, and that has been the norm for years. It is what it is— unless the man has a penchant for wearing the irresponsible cloak.
Therefore, when men flip the script and ask the same of a woman, they are not being crass or crazy, nor are they insulting you. Is it peace or drama? Support or never-ending demands: A partner or another dependent? These are all valid and reasonable questions to ask when considering building a life with someone.
The blunt truth is that the sooner we understand and accept that relationships wear the guise of transactions, the better for us all. A relationship is as much a partnership as it is a transaction. Think about it: when you apply for a job, you don’t just show up and say, “Hire me because I exist.” You highlight your skills, experience, and why you are worthy of the role. Love works in the same way. You have to make it known what you bring — be it peace, loyalty, ambition, support, “wife material” vibes, home-making skills, money, or even just the ability to make your partner laugh when life feels heavy.
READ ALSO: How a Pre-COVID Fling Changed My Relationship With Condoms Forever
However, let us be clear: we cannot have this conversation without acknowledging how much women contribute and what we go through. From carrying children to dealing with period cramps and nurturing kids to building a home, it is no small load. Women contribute a lot, often more than they receive credit for. Nonetheless, we cannot make it all about women’s issues.
Men equally have their own share of this cake. They pay bills, provide security, do heavy lifting, and carry responsibilities that are not exactly light either. You cannot be allowed a hall pass just because you are pregnant — that is unfair. This is not a competition; it is a partnership. Both sides bring weight to the table and deserve recognition.
Therefore, perhaps the problem is not the question itself but the tone. If a man asks arrogantly, of course, it will sting. However, if the mere act of being asked makes you angry, then you are missing the script, to be honest. The truth is that relationships do not run on vibes alone. They run on contributions — emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual.
And oh, before someone says I am caping for men: I am a woman. This is exactly why I think this conversation needs balance, not bitterness.
Instead of blowing up at the question, maybe we should flip it into an honest dialogue: What are you bringing, what am I bringing, and how do we make this table worth sitting at together? A solid table needs more than one sturdy leg.
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