Dear Black people,
We need to talk.
Somewhere between “Hello” and “How are you?” we decided the first thing out of our mouths should be “You have gained weight”
Said with a laugh, a raised brow or that classic auntie nudge. This real life issue is an issue mostly with the African community. Obviously, I’ve only travelled within African so I can only speak for my catchment area.
In many black communities, greetings are more than pleasantries; they are cultural rituals imbedded in us from infancy to extend warmth, humor and familiarity. Greetings in Africa and many black communities go beyond simple hellos. We are a people who ask about family, work and health.
Somewhere in between, weight commentary has gradually found its way into the mix. That first encounter after a while apart goes like: ‘Wow! You’ve gained weight oh!”. Said with a laugh but let’s be clear: this is not a greeting. It’s actually judgement.
Physical appearance has become a focal talking point in black social settings especially the issue of weight gain. Aunties and uncles and even friends toss out weight related comments casually as if they are compliments. Weight gain has been linked with prosperity, good living or marital bliss but what may have once symbolized abundance now cuts differently in our generation grappling with body image, mental health and changing body standards.
Lately, I’ve had to live with the weight comments after a life changing surgery nearly three years ago. When someone says, “You’ve gained weight”, it feels as though a spotlight, yet uninvited has been shone on my body especially when it’s the first thing someone says to me. It reduces my entire presence to a physical change dismissing my journey, struggles or even my growth.
Dear Africans; Not everyone thinks the weight gain comment is harmless. Sometimes, I don’t know how to respond when you tell me I’ve gained weight. For some people it causes a lot of damage especially for those battling low self-esteem, for us who are recovering from illness or have an eating disorder or for someone who just wants to exist peacefully in their body.
When we push back, we’re told, “don’t be too sensitive “or “it’s just a joke” but listen here; Words shape perception. There are a lot better ways to greet me than talk about my physical appearance. “Nice to see you” or “What have you been up to lately” doesn’t hurt anybody. None of these require a commentary about my waistline, stomach or body shape.
If the first thing that comes to mind after seeing me is my weight, it’s time to do some personal work on yourself. Why is body commentary deeply ingrained in your interactions? Please show respect and empathy. Let’s make our family gatherings, churches, social hangouts and events spaces where people are seen for ho they are rather than how much they weigh. Let’s raise kids who don’t equate love to commentary. Let’s be the generation that breaks the cycle.
Dear black people, “YOU HAVE GAINED WEIGHT” is not a greeting. It’s a reminder of how much work we still need to do in unlearning harmful norms. Lt’s retire this tired phrase and replace it with genuine interest kindness and care because at the end of the day, we are more than our bodies. We are our stories, our strength and our resilience. The best thing you can notice about me is my presence – not my pounds.
