He Used and Dumped You?— Girl, Think Again!

He used and dumped me!

Every time I hear women utter these disconcerting, worn-out clichés, I just want to grab them by the ear and shout into their eardrums that the sisterhood is not proud of them.

Don’t get me wrong. I genuinely get it. It is painful, it hurts to the very core to build a relationship with someone, regardless of the terms of that relationship, only for them to end it, sometimes begrudgingly, mostly with no tangible reason.

You will feel used, especially when you recount all that you invested in that relationship, the bending over, slapping against the wall, turning over, and all the other antics you explored in the bedroom together. So yeah, you are within your rights to feel whatever you want to feel.

But let me get this, though. What exactly does it mean when women say he used and dumped me?

How do you come into an agreement with another person (a full-blown adult, for that matter) either on the back of love, lust or merely curiosity to have countless obscene bedroom bouts and come out playing the cards of an unsuspecting victim? How?

It simply does not make sense —at least to me, and I am going to tell you why!

Here is the truth. Feeling ‘used and dumped’ has happened to the best of us. We have all been there, or at least have a friend who has lived this ordeal. It is almost like some rite of passage sort of thing. So chill, there is absolutely no need living in an endless loop of mortification about this.

I mean, haven’t we all felt that excruciating and somewhat dramatic whisper that gnaws at the entirety of your being, after a relationship fizzles out: resounding in dissonance, “He used me and dumped me.” Have we all not experienced that?

See, I can bet my last farthing that these words are no alien to lots of women. But as painful and disappointing as it may be, the narrative of a man using and dumping you has long sailed and it is about time we come to terms with that as women.

Because, darling, here’s the thing: when it comes to sex, connection, and the ultimate say in whether things happen or not, you hold the upper hand. And you wield this power like a mordsith does to an agiel. Every. Single. Time.

So ladies— drop whatever thing you are doing. Gather here and let’s have this talk once and for all!

You’re a Woman, Don’t Forget The Power You Have.

I cannot tell how it happened or even when it did, but somewhere along the line, our minds were programmed, for the lack of a better word, into believing that intimacy and by extension s3x is something taken from us, instead of something we so willingly share.

I maintain that men do not have a say when it comes to who to get in bed with. They only get the meals they are served with. The farthest they can go is casting the net. The onus remains on the woman to give in or not.

A man can literally beg, sweet talk, splurge money, pretend to be crazy about Korean series, all in the hopes of tasting what is between a woman’s thighs, but if you (the woman) decide it is not happening, there is absolutely nothing that man can do about it. That is power, something most women fail to acknowledge or even recognise.

S3x is a shared pleasure and a moment of loud emotions. It is not one person giving something and another person taking it. Once women accept and understand this concept, the days of he used and dumped me will be far behind us in history.

You’re a Born Loser For Flipping The Script.

You are not an automatic loser just because a man ghosted you after you guys got intimate. Why can it not be that you got served exactly what you wanted at that particular time?

You could have gotten your curiosity satisfied, picked up an experienced or two, then life made it easier for you to let him go before he becomes a future headache. That is a blessing in disguise. That is not a loss. It is a win, after all,  not all relationships are meant to end well.

You didn’t miss the script; you played your role.

This is Why the ‘Used’ Story Hurts You.

Every time you say, “He used me,” you’re stripping yourself of the very power you had all along. You’re giving him the role of the hunter and casting yourself as prey — when in reality, you were the gatekeeper from start to finish.

It’s like giving someone a free meal at your restaurant and then crying that they didn’t order dessert. You’re the chef, babe. You control the menu.

The Bottomline is…

It has become imperative that women start rebranding this experience; they almost always end up playing the victim and getting hurt over nothing. Instead of talking yourself into believing that you were used, convince yourself that you sampled him as a product, but you decided not to buy. 

The bottom line is, if a man walks away from you after the s3x, perhaps that is all he had to offer, and you have dodged a bullet. You made the s3x happen. That power remains yours. You didn’t get played. You didn’t get used to it and dumped it. You are an adult, you decided to get down and dirty with a man, you enjoyed it, and it didn’t work out. That is all.